Monday, July 31, 2017

The Battle Inside!

“For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places.”
Ephesians 6:12 NLT

Pardon me while I open up a little bit. I don't post this for pity or for your particular help. I just need to share:

Mentally, I have not been in a good place lately. I have had a great summer, although it's been short! (As it always is) I enjoyed a wonderful vacation with my wife traveling the west. Yep, it did not end as we had hoped. Stephanie broke her wrist. We had some mechanical issues with blown GREAT Northwest. On my 2500 mile return, by myself, I had a lot of time to think. Sometimes that's not a great thing. As I neared Indiana and the upcoming school year a cloud of dread settled over me. I don't like it, but I can't seem to shake it.

I have lost confidence in myself as an educator. I love working with kids. I love the relationships. I love the value of helping them through their struggles, not just with math, but with life. In my 22 years as an educator, I have always struggled with the politics, the adults.  Sometimes those struggles have been with fellow educators, sometimes with parents, or community members, or politicians. I have RARELY had serious conflict with students. It seems like we can always solve those issues. But, my "dominant" personality is not conducive to great relationships with people. So Leadership in education has always been a struggle. In my view, I feel I am greatly misunderstood and NOW I just don't have energy to try to change the perceptions and views of the adults in my life. I just want to avoid the conflicts and the people that are involved.

Thus, my attitude right now is to just avoid contact with the people in my life that have a tendency to steal my joy, drain my energy, and don't really care to KNOW me or care about me. As a Christian, that attitude is not great. I need the Lord to work on my heart. He truly is fighting a battle for me. He is fighting an internal battle that I can never hope to win on my own. I trust the Lord. Even through dark times, I love and honor and praise his patience with me. His grace is perfect and I am humbled that he loves me. Praise God I can face the challenges of the day because of that grace and perfect love! 

No comments: